The difference a day (or two) makes
Mind malfunction
Sitting pondering when I should be working. All the plans I made and the dreams I dreamed just 2 days ago. Why do they seem to have gone up in smoke? My mind is being shot at by thought bullets but where have they suddenly appeared from?
You know you’d rather take another day to take things easy? All those dreams you think you want to achieve, do you? Really? Have you really got the energy? It’s going to take so much energy! How serious are you or is it all just pie in the sky?!
Things are happening
Things have started to happen. Popped up from seemingly nowhere. It has been a little nerve-wrecking. Enquiries. They seem to have the effect of making my resolve run for the hills. What was I thinking?!
Just on Friday before, I’d caught a train to Shrewsbury, a beautiful place if you’ve never visited! The trip was for a course.
The course was to plan.
The plan was to build a successful 2024.
2024 was to be our Best Year Yet.
The hopes and dreams in the room were palpable. A small group led by our wonderful tutor Michelle Lloyd built plans, strategies and beautiful connections to scale our individual mountains. We left that day with new friends and a determination that all of our dreams are possible. Hearts and heads lifted to the joys of daring to believe in self and in the future each of us is working so hard towards.
Who are you kidding?
Monday comes and brings doubts. Fears. Panic?!
Who am I kidding? Do you seriously believe you’ll be exhibited in galleries this year? You’re too old for all this ambition! What have you ever, really succeeded at before? You’re deluded! And on and on and on.
STOP!
Breathe.
Relax a little.
It is just ‘the first day back nerves’. The winding back up from a few weeks off (I’ve been ill). If it was my old office job, I’d be used to this. Sinking heart. Back to the grind.
But it isn’t. It’s a creative journey as cliche as that sounds. I have wanted this with my heart and soul. Worked hard for 10 years with a ton of lessons learned but just not ‘made it’. Yet! I’ve been laying foundations, very many it seems! Learning. Learning. Learning. I’m so Lucky.
A shift and a tingle
There is a shift. I feel it. It’s just beyond my grasp and my fingers reach out and there is just a tingle. But it is there. 2 enquiries completely unrelated by 2 complete strangers both offering something …. Unexpected. I hesitate and then bite that bullet and say yes!
Being a creative means putting your heart and soul out there for all to see. It takes a certain kind of bravery and stamina and energy to make things happen and it takes a lot of time.
It is time. Time to flick the switch. Get back in gear. Stop the gentle coasting now. Put one foot forward, the other will follow. Before you know it, things will fall into place and joy at being back at the heart of your practice will rise and greet you like a long lost friend. THERE you are!
So good to read your expressive account of coming back to your creativity. The creative path is a fascinating place!
Whoa, it all reads so familiar! My tactic has become to just do the doing and not consider the possible outcomes. It’s this outcome-oriented tendency of our mind, ‘and then it’ll...’ or ‘it won’t...’ -- that’s what’s killing me. I tell myself, just do it, what comes next doesn’t matter.