The Curious Case of the Missing Mojo

And it's miraculous return

A work in progress - nearly there! By Susan Mills

My mojo is back! Loosing it occurs on a yearly basis. It’s not new, but it’s disconcerting every time.

A sense of relief and a gift

In the beginning there’s a sense of relief and even freedom when the constant activity of creativity stops. A big sigh, shoulders go down, a sense of peace. The overwhelm in my brain quiets. Everything on the periphery comes back into focus seems brighter and more colourful.

Loosing the impetus to work becomes a gift. Constant creating and thinking about creating and doing the work behind the creating - social media, website, learning and participating in groups becomes all encompassing, crowds out ‘real life’. Or is that just me?

So loosing it feels great.

For a while.

A new status quo

As days turn into weeks and worse yet, months, the unease builds. a sense of something missing grows. And yet despite this the thought of going back into the studio becomes anxiety producing. The new status quo is disquieting on both fronts. Boredom creeps in and everything feels a bit off kilter. This state of flux becomes increasingly uncomfortable so you gather yourself and step back inside your creative space.

It’s great to be back?

But a deep clean has occurred in your absence and sadly not a physical one. Your space is sterile. You can’t paint. Your can’t draw. You’ve forgotten what you even do in this place. What is it for? It’s as if you’ve turned up to a big party only to find it’s happening somewhere else. The anticipation which became trepidation dissipates in a cloud of disappointment.

Wow. All that effort and for what? It’s gone you’ve missed it, you’re too late.

After you pull yourself together, resolution takes over. Sleeves rolled up, you get stuck in. It feels clunky. you have little idea of what you’re doing and react by slapping a lot of paint around. It feels …….. GOOD! You squeeze out more colour, grab the charcoal and loose it.

A great big glorious mess

Before you know it something’s occurred which changes the dynamic. Sparks have flown, time has passed in a whirl and you have a great big glorious mess! Suddenly your brain is buzzing with ideas and a glimpse of that long lost excitement is found.

It all sounds rather dramatic but this is what it’s felt like these past 2 months. I thought it’d gone, that perhaps this wasn’t my path after all. I thought oh how you’ve been kidding yourself……. Call yourself an artist?! Pahhh! Thoughts of why? WHY am I doing this and do I really want to be doing something else entirely?

And now it’s back. work is progressing, new research is ongoing, a state of settledness has arrived. This is where I’m meant to be.

Ebb and flow and starting my Substack

As difficult as it can feel, and it is difficult, it’s a necessary process. Creativity is not one long endless source of inspiration, ready to use every time you feel like it at the end of your fingertips. It ebbs and flows just like the rest of life. Quiet periods allow rest and time to reflect. And for me this time, it gave me the space to start my Substack which has been such a gift. Forging on constantly is ultimately draining and the well of ideas dries up. Or at least, this is my experience.

Creativity and the seasons

Each year I feel the effect of the seasons increasingly more. My creativity seems intrinsically bound to the rhythm of winter then spring. The energy that spring brings with it is palpable and it’s effect is magical. I have felt it even more keenly this time as it comes after a long period of rest.

Fallow periods are perhaps essential to enable dreams of new possibilities and to reach new, unimagined heights. To push through boundaries with renewed energy to see my muses in new light.

This last period for me felt too long. And perhaps that’s the danger. Time out is good, essential even, but letting it drag on leads to lethargy and a loss of any balance I might have gained by stopping in the first place. Creativity does not operate in a vacuum however and there has been other ‘stuff’ to deal with. Now I’m back in the fold and very grateful for my practice.

Does any of this sound familiar? Do you feel a sense of relief when it all stops for a while? I’d love to hear if it’s like this or a different experience for you?

Spring is coming, all that energy is bursting out at last. Image by Susan Mills